Title: DEAD JED: ADVENTURES OF A JUNIOR HIGH ZOMBIE
Author: Scott Craven
Publication date: December 1, 2013
Publisher: Month9Books, LLC.
ISBN eBook: 978-0-939765-56-7
Dead Jed is Shaun of the Dead meets Diary of a Wimpy Kid. Jed's not your typical junior high geek. He is, to use the politically-correct term, cardiovascularly-challenged. And while his parents have attempted to shield him from the implications of being 'different' for as long as they could (Jed was 8 and at a friend's sister's birthday party when he blew his lips off onto the cake in front of everyone, finally prompting the “Big Talk” from his parents and an emergency SuperGlue repair by his dad), 7th grade at Pine Hollow Middle School as a target of Robbie the supreme school bully and his pack of moronic toadies is rapidly becoming unbearable.
From being stuffed in a filled trash can as “dead meat” and into a trophy case as the bully's “prize,” to literally having his hand pulled off in the boys' room (Jed's always losing body parts. Luckily, a good stapler and some duct tape and he's back in the action) and a cigarette put in it and try to frame him for the recent reports of smoking in the school, Jed's had enough and is ready to plan his revenge. Besides, it's awesome what you can do when you're already dead!
Proud graduate of Cal Poly, San Luis Obispo, have one son who will turn 18 in March 2013, now a features writer for The Arizona Republic.
How to Spot the Undead?!?
by Scott Craven
Readers of “Dead Jed: Adventures of a Middle School Zombie” ($8.99, Month9Books) will ask themselves a logical questions – how can I spot a member of the undead at my own school?
Hollywood makes it look so easy. If the decaying flesh isn’t an undead giveaway, then the shuffling gait and loss of limbs would indicate a certain degree of zombieness.
But real-life zombies are not Hollywood zombies. Their lifeless qualities are much more subtle than anything you’ve seen in the movies. Their flesh, for example. While it is susceptible to trauma, cleaving away when struck with a wet, rightly curled towel, it appears otherwise normal save for a bit of grayness that is easily masked with spray tanner (though the result is an orange glow, a look no self-respecting zombie would choose).
Do you think your school might have a few zombies who have yet to come out of the casket? Here are a few ways to spot them:
- If when playing “Got your nose,” you can actually remove their nose, they might be a zombie.
- If they are speaking in front of a large crowd and an arm comes loose at the shoulder and thumps to the floor, they might be a zombie. Tense situations tend to fray tendons and ligaments as well as nerves for many zombies.
- If you’re watching a movie about the zombie apocalypse and someone is cheering while thrusting a “Undead No. 1” foam finger into the air, they might be a zombie.
- If they do not need makeup to fit into a march of the undead at a comic convention, they may be a zombie.
- If, after losing a body part, they break out duct tape and staples rather than scream for help before passing out, they may be a zombie.
I hope this help you separate the zombies from the zombie wannabes. And remember, if you spot a kid sitting at the back of the class, head tilted back, drooling, and no signs of life, don’t worry. That’s just a middle school student rendered temporarily brain-dead while attempting to memorize a map of South America.